To keep it simple, spectatoring takes you out of enjoying the moment or moments (if your partner knows what they’re doing) and instead of enjoying the sex for what it is, you are worried about what your body and hair looks like to your partner. It can be described as an out of body experience, you’re aware of what’s going on but, distracted and can’t focus.
am going to start by being honest: I am prone to being stressed the fuck out. I know I barely have things to stress about (relatively speaking) but in retrospect, I have seen some of the signs: stress eating, too much sleep, mismanagement of my time resulting in disappointment and intense procrastination. Plus, climate change has 2018/2019 feeling like coldest winter ever (on top of the 365 day long hunger games, also known as 2018) which is the perfect time for my seasonal depression to set in.… It has taken me a while to come to terms with the fact that I battle depression and anxiety, even after my homegirl Dr. Donna Oriowo hinted that my anxiety may be something I want to NOT gloss over, (which I kind of did any way)… But in a weird way I found comfort in realizing that I’m just one of the billions of people on earth dealing with what could either be intersectional oppression or my bad habit of giving too many fucks about things I cannot control, like Donald Trump being President.Read More
Features a FREE #RelationshipGoals Guide download!Read More
I feel like there is a constant whirlwind lately where I talk about Blackness and beauty. Where I think about, discuss, and consider the lightness and darkness of skin and how that is read by others based on eye color and hair texture and hair length. It’s funny to me that this should feel like my life, when this WAS my life when I was in the midst of writing my dissertation almost 3 years ago. It seems like I’ve run a full circle of not having to think much about it, in the academic sense, to coming right back into thinking about in the mental health, relationship, sexuality sense...which I guess is all academic anyway.
Blac Chyna is right now, the base of jokes, and name calling, and head shaking….Read More
While I’m writing this blog post I’ve got Michael Jackson dancing in my head from his post where the ravens would talk all that smack. My boy couldn’t win, and you can’t either, unless you change your mindset. (If you didn’t know, I am talking about the Wiz. smh)
What do I mean?Read More
Over the last two weeks, there has seemingly been a theme among my clients and friends. It seems that folk are ready to break up. But of course, there are lots of barriers in the way to doing it right, because people are usually scared of the process. For those who don’t know, breaking up does NOT mean ghosting, hitting someone with the slow fade, making them mad enough to break up with you, or talking about how you need time to grow and that one day you might come back. When we break up, we do it right, we do it clean, and don’t leave false hope, or tarnish our character in the process.Read More