On the Eve of Cuffing Season
Finally, that crisp September air is here! With the changing of the season and all of our Autumn plans coming a whole lot closer, we know that cuffing season has arrived!!! With cuffing season usually seems to come a whole lot of expectations and the close kin, miscommunication. You know we have to work on that. Let’s talk about expectations and communication in cuffing season.
Cuffing season is that magical time when the weather starts to turn that folk want to have a designated, it’s-getting-cold-out-there, snuggle/fuck/go out/talk-to “friend.” Someone to have and go out with then the weather turns and almost no one is interested in leaving the warmth of their house. Someone to chill with when the weather is less than ideal and you just wanna stay in and be warm and be warmed (you get me?? LOL). Being chosen at cuffing season does not guarantee a relationship, and choosing someone during cuffing season doesn’t mean you will have uninterrupted or singular access to that person. Some people just want to play on ALL the teams, and I ain’t mad at you. There is nothing wrong with it until you have miscommunicated your expectations and desires. Expectations have been the killer of many a successful plan and relationship. Expectations mean that you want things to go a certain way but that you haven’t really planned for it. There isn’t anything inherently wrong with having expectations except that usually they are held pretty close to the vest. No one wants to talk about what they expect. It’s almost like we just want the other person to know, and thus prove themselves worthy of our time and attention. However, no matter which way you spin it, people are not mind readers! Knowing and communicating your expectations is important if you want to have what you desire. With cuffing season it is no different, you have to know what you want, and let others know. Per usual we have to start with you!
Questions to Consider:
What kind of cuffing season are you looking to have?
Do you want a relationship experience? Or more of a friends plus experience?
Are you looking to play on a few teams or to play for one team?
Are you looking for an all access pass (all the info of tha person) OR just a late evening “Netflix and Chill” I don’t need to really know you, situation?
Are you looking for someone just for the season or potentially for a lifetime?
What is your draft pick looking for?
Are they wanting to be the only one on the team, or are they playing on a few teams too?
Are they looking for seasonal or lifetime?
Have you spoken to this person about your expectations? Are you on the same page?
Really there isn’t too much to do here, as you can see by this super short list. The main thing to do is figure out what you want and need to have this cuffing season and what your ultimate goal is. If it’s companionship over the cooler months, great! Say so! If it’s to have a trial relationship run to possibly be with this person long term, awesome! Say so! If they are going to be one of many on your team this cuffing season (go on with that hoe-tation), magnificient! Say SO!! When you speak to the person you are trying to draft for the season and let them know your expectations and goals, you are setting yourself up for a good season with laughs, thrills, and fun. When you fail to communicate, you open the door for huffy silences, useless arguments, and season wasting bullsh*t. The whole point is that you IDENTIFY and COMMUNICATE your expectations. This goes with consent for me. If you are giving people the impression that you are looking for a partner beyond the season, the person you are with is going to have a different set of expectations on behavior etc. I know it can be tempting to not let people know and instead leave them with questions, but the mature adult thing to do is converse about what you are looking for. It is not okay to pull people in knowing you want to “Netflix and Chill” but giving them the impression that you are going to be in a relationship with them. We need to be clear on our needs so we can successfully communicate with others. If you are too scared to let people know that you aren’t looking for anything serious, then you might not be ready for that journey.
Gather your draft picks and put aside some time for talking. We need this season to not end on 2 and 14.