Colorism/Texturism Counseling
Do you ever wish you had a different hair texture or skin tone?
Have you ever been told that you didn’t have “good hair?” Do you wear weaves, wigs, or braids because you don’t think your hair is pretty? Are you struggling with accepting your natural hair? Have you ever felt like you were inadequate to others? Do you wish you had a little less melanin? Have you ever wondered what life would be like if you were lighter? If you answered yes to any of these questions you are at the right place.
Black Women and Colorism
Colorism has existed since Black people were bought over as slaves, and as old and unfortunate as it may be it is still alive and well today. Colorism is the hierarchical system where lighter skin is deemed to be more worthy and granted more privileges than darker skin. It is a tool created by colonization to create an intermediary class between white people and darker-skinned slaves. While Black people have maintained colorism, we are in no way responsible for creating it. I like to give credit where credit is due, and in this case it’s white people. Colorism is not a new phenomenon in the Black community.
Colorism can impact your self-esteem, mental health, and your sexuality. Experiences and memories from your childhood could still be impacting your life today.
Black Women and Texturism
Despite pictures of the natural hair movement flooding your timelines and that Black women are embracing their natural hair more and more, it’s important to remember that this wasn’t the case just a few years ago. It wasn’t long ago that Black girls and women were wearing out hot combs, flat irons, and perms trying their best to achieve straight hair. And this effort to hide one’s natural hair continues today.
There are still many Black women out here wearing wigs, weaves, and braids not just because they like to change up their hairstyle but because they don’t feel pretty without it. They feel as though their natural hair knocks them down a few notches on the totem pole of pretty. So instead of embracing it, they hide it. They tell themselves that their hair is unmanageable - when really they just don’t like it and don’t want to take the time to learn how to manage it. Black women are still out here feeling as though when it’s time to get cute the first thing they need to change is their hair - at least if they want to get noticed, and that’s a problem.
Colorism + Texturism Can Impact Your Sexuality & Relationships
Yes, you read that correctly. We’ve had sessions with many clients who felt that they were “dark, fat, and nappy” and thus they accepted or settled for mediocre behavior in their relationships because they felt they were lucky to have someone. And that’s the last thought we want any Black woman to have.
Have you ever been in the midst or about to have sex and the only thing on your mind is “how does my hair look?” You find yourself not being very present or in the moment when having sex because you’re too concerned with wondering if you’ve sweated your hair out or if your fro is flat and if your partner will still see you as attractive if it is.
This is an example of how texturism can impact your sexuality. It can be the reason why you won’t let your partner see you in a bonnet or you run to the bathroom as quickly as you can once you take your braids out - out of fear that you won’t be seen as cute by your partner if they saw what your hair when it wasn’t styled just right.
While you may have never considered the two intersecting, how you feel about your skin tone can impact your sexuality. If you’ve been told or made to feel like you’re not as pretty or less valuable because of your skin color, it could play a role in the people you choose to be in a relationship.
Colorism is the reason so many people have a “preference” for light-skinned people. Not because they simply think they're cute but they know the social value and privileges that come from being with a light-skinned person. Whether that’s being more accepted by society because of your partner or being seen as more valuable because they “chose” you. It’s also the reason many dark-skinned people aren’t married, colorism has people believing that dark-skinned people can be used for sex, but not worthy of marriage.
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TL; DR: anxiety can happen a lot at night because of the last thing you ate, the last thing you watched, or that stuff that never got figured out in the day because now your brain is quiet. Manage that nighttime anxiety by managing what you eat, see, and by creating a routine that gives you great rest!